From Warrior to Queen

The shift from fighting for my place to knowing its already mine. Six years after shaving my head in survival mode, I’m growing my hair back in safety.

Six years ago, I took a buzzer to my hair and embraced a warrior within.

I had just moved into my first truly solo apartment. Before that, I was living alone, but in an apartment attached to my mom’s house. Even though I definitely visited her more than she ever knocked on my door, there was still a safety in knowing someone was nearby. I wasn’t fully alone yet.

This time was different.

I moved into a standalone apartment with double the rent & utilities because my mom was selling the house- only to immediately face the chaos of a world shutting down. I moved in on March 14, 2020. Society shut down on March 15, 2020.

Overnight, I was laid off from three of my four jobs. Thankfully, my full-time job was deemed essential, but everything else disappeared instantly. I didn’t consciously realize it at the time, but with three income streams gone and bills piling up, that shaved head became my armor.

The idea to shave my head actually came to me in a dream.

In waking life, I was feeling restless with my appearance. I wanted to look different, but without really taking the length off my hair. So I casually put the thought out to the universe & went to sleep.

That night, I dreamed I was a Nordic female warrior, fiercely riding a horse across wide open plains…alone. I held a staff with a pointed end, like I was ready for battle. I wasn’t afraid. I was focused, powerful & completely self-reliant. I was this beautiful, blonde, courageous warrior… & the left side of my head was shaved.

When I woke up, I remember thinking, Wow. That’s so cool. Must have been a past-life.
It felt ancient. It felt Familiar. Like a past-life version of me reminding me who I was.

So I decided to do it.
I convinced my best friend to shave my head.

For almost six years, I wore that strength proudly. I stood out. I felt brave. People told me how bold I was, how they could never pull it off, how powerful it looked on me. I loved it - not just the compliments, but the distinction. I felt unforgettable at a time when I was trying to make a name for myself, to leave a mark, to survive & succeed on my own.

But last year, something shifted.

I first felt the pull to grow my hair back about six months ago. I tried & couldn’t follow through. About a month in, I shaved it again. Yet… the feeling didn’t go away. I still knew it was time. I couldn’t fully explain why, I just felt it.

Then I went away on retreat & finally had space to reflect.

I realized that when I shaved my head, I was embodying a warrior because I had to. I was in survival mode. I was fighting to prove myself - financially, professionally, personally. I was building my business from the ground up, trying to be seen, trying to be recognized, trying to stay afloat. It was a very masculine energy. A necessary one. But it was still war.

Now… I’m not there anymore.

I feel settled.
I feel established.
I feel confident in my work.

I don’t have to fight for approval or recognition anymore. I’ve built the business. I’ve won the awards. The proof exists.

I’m also moving in with my love, something I’ve never done before in my almost 40 years of life. For the first time in my adult life, I’m stepping into real safety - emotionally, financially, relationally.

Six years ago, nothing felt safe. So I became a warrior.

Now, safety exists & I don’t need armor anymore.

So as my hair grows back, it isn’t just hair. It’s a symbol of softness. Of trust. Of allowing myself to thrive instead of survive. Of knowing I can rest & still be powerful.

From warrior to nurturer, I’m ready for this next chapter.

_

Have you ever changed something external - your look, your environment, your life structure - only to realize later what it reflected inside you? What chapter are you growing into right now?